meditation exercise...
"What will i do after college graduation, Universe?"

the vision
i saw myself driving to a hospital... then i saw a mother giving birth to twin babies. they were crying and covered in blood. they died. nothing the mother did, just a disease or something that destroyed their immunity. then it flash forwarded to me talking to the mother in a room. she was crying and so upset about her loss, thinking it was her fault, but it wasn't. i convinced her that it wasn't her fault. she told me she really wanted to have kids, so i told her to try again. i told her she would have better luck the next time around. then it flash forwarded again. i was watching her give birth, and out popped a healthy baby. then a flash of light happened, and she was thanking me for helping her, and encouraging her to try again. said i really made a difference in her life. i felt really good about helping her, like i had a purpose.

i don't know what it means yet, or what kind of career it is. but we get to keep a dream journal, and present a dream to the class next week for our final presentation. recording dreams is easier in the dark on my computer.

don't we all wish we could fly?
photos by jan von holleben http://www.janvonholleben.com/dreams_of_flying.php?n=7












lots more on the website. check it out.

http://community.livejournal.com/ljsecret/

DO IT.

Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your own blog

"you say it's not what you do,
It's what you're thinking of
Well I think it's just an excuse
It's what you put across
And I don't wanna be the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah I don't wanna be the one
Making all the noise
Yeah I don't wanna be the one

So make sure you're thinking it through
You've let me down again
Offer me something
I know you really meant


What you gonna offer now?

This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waiting
This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waiting
This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waiting"


WILL SOMEONE HELP ME FIGURE OUT MY BOYFRIEND???????????????

"i love my boyfriend, but 2007 has been rough for us.
I used to be so positive that we were right for each other.
now, im not too sure.
ive had doubts before, but
never like this.

we've been together two and a half years.
Shouldn't i know by now?" -ljsecret, as of yesterday.

it brought to my attention some feelings i've had before. i mean....i love him. there is no question about that. reading that secret got me thinking. i don't want to live without him, because i don't know how i would handle it. He is all i know, as far as my life goes. not to say i'm not my own person, but i work to being in a happier place with him. i can be strong, but with him, im so much stronger. we aren't the people we were.
i'm becoming boring, and i don't know how to stop it.

made up with sarah today. meh.
sara leaves tomorrow : (

teddy is sick and sleeping a whole lot, but i don't know what i can do to help.
his friends still don't like me. meh.

these are things that keep me up late every night.

yayyy new year. new things. new people. new classes. new job.

leave turning.

she hung with thieves
kicked up dirty leaves
she was a maniac
an old one's heart attack
she got around
slept on the bad side of town
she was cooler than you,
way cooler than me
she was true, all blinded and bruised
she didn't give a fuck
no she had given up
she was alive
she was caught on fire
she was everything
she was all of this

she opened up and laid it all right there
she said, "I don't mind,
no, no I don't care
I'll help you shovel out my shallow hole
and I know, I know they're threatening
but at least we're not the ones carrying
such heavy heavy heavy stoning stones

and yeah I know they'll get you down
they'll do you in and they'll drag it out
"cause me and you, we are one of a kind."

she liked to lose
never wore Sunday shoes
she found her luck in wells and corner stores and jails
she was crazy
a downtown kind of baby
always dangerous, she got me down on my knees
she made it rain
she called the wind and then it came
oh, with the wave of her hand
she brought the sunshine right in
she was the sky
beyond steeple and the choir
oh, the preacher's amen
his hallelujah child

she opened up and laid it all right there
she said, "I don't mind
no, no I don't care
I'll help you shovel out my shallow hole
and I know I know they are threatening
but at least we're not the ones carrying
such heavy, heavy, heavy stoning stones

so when your bones are broke and you're all alone
and the fog's so thick you can't see up close
just know that I will end up strangled, too
and when the floods they come all rushing in
and the boat is full and you can't get in
oh, it's okay if you don't want to swim
and when you're swallowed up, oh, don't you cry
just give right in, don't try to fight

"cause baby I wouldn't pay no mind
there's nothing you can do."

they'll have you coughing up your colors
they'll have you coughing up your colors
they'll have you coughing up your colors
they'll have you coughing up your colors

she sang the blues
out of time and out of tune
spoke no silver spoon
only simple truths
she was a friend, stabbed backs and broke plans
she would give you her coat
or put nails through her hand
she was wise, full of magic and life
oh, you could see it in her eyes
oh, yeah I saw it in her eyes
she was more than this
yeah, way more than this
she was everything





she was all of this








i want to be all of this.

add it.
myspace.com/imgonnabeatchu

and it changed my life.
maybe moreso then dream girls did.

vs.